dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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