I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
