I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
