just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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