Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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