could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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