I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
