He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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