someone get that fucking seahorse.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sorry my hands just texted you
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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