I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
