is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
