11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
