I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
