U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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