I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
