he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
