I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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