she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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