I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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