He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
