Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
