Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
