So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
