Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize