Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
