4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
