literally had 100 drinks last night.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
