I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
