I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You're like the curious george of whores
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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