there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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