So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
