I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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