my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
