How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
