i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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