Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
