I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
