if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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