1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
