wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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