whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
