Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
