I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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