My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
