I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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