we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
