My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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