you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
