Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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