It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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