Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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