I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
