I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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