At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
