We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
