did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
