I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
