Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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