I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
