if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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