even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
