It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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