I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
