So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
