I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
