We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
